If this gets 2000 upsmashings r/circlejerk will become Nigel Thornberry themed

Let me tell you how my old friend Dip got his name. Dip was the one asian kid in our loosely-associated group of metalheads and excitable fools that routinely hung out in this stretch of woodland by our houses. We'd heard rumors that Dip had a strange penis, we set up a game of 'Dare or Fuck Off' where we would goad Dip (then called Cliff) into showing us this legendary thing of his through alcohol and peer pressure. It was totally not gay. In fact the plan was driven forward by this one girl in our group who had a thing for Cliff. She was a kinda petite little punky chick (I'll call her Claire, not her real name) who was all set to sample some Eastern delights. For the rest of us it was an anthropological exercise. It was for science. So we got liquored up at the mouth of this little dry cave we used as a general stash and a 'private area' for romantic times. Two bottles of vodka were had between seven teens, including Dip and Claire. The night was lit by this gigantic torch one guy borrowed from this dad. It was a warm night: we would see this thing in all its terrible glory. The stage was set. We spun the bottle. It landed on me. "Show us your dick," said one of the girls, as planned. I had nothing to hide--turned away, took it out of my jeans sack and all, spun around, everyone went 'aw Jesus' and I put it away. Most natural thing in the world. Cliff looked uncomfortable, like maybe he didn't want to play anymore. Claire sat beside him and put her arm around his back. We spun the bottle. Sure enough it landed on Cliff. "Show us your dick." "No way." "Show us your dick." "Don't be fags." Etc, etc. We impressed upon him the binding nature of the Dare situation. Nothing left the circle. Were we buds for life or what? Then Claire made her move: "you'll show me, won't you?" He was dumbstruck as she led him into the cave and told us to keep watch. Big dumb grin on his face. Fumble fumble fumble. Time went by. "Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus." Cliff and Claire were straight-up fucking in the cave. This was unheard of. Then Claire let out this unnatural scream, we heard scuffling and pebbles scattering, and we turned the torch into the cave mouth. There was Cliff coming at us with a swinging hardon and his jeans under his arm. It was the longest penis I've ever seen (or cared to see) outside of porn. Probably nine inches in all with this fat head and thin, thin shaft. The shaft was under an inch in diameter, the width of my thumb at the knuckle, and it was kinked like a hockey stick. To our horror this nightmare womb-plunger--this cervical spear--this satanic dipstick--was half covered in blood. Cliff ran the fuck away, mind broken. Claire emerged and her friends took her home. We didn't know until the following Monday what had happened--did she need an ambulance or what? What had the monster done? Cliff wouldn't come to the phone. It turns out that Dipstick's awful dong had somehow triggered her period early for that month by agitating the very depths of her womanhood with its crazy plunger head. She must have been kinda borderline at the time. Cliff instantly became Dipstick, later Dip. The story has a kinda happy ending. Two girls took on 'the Dip challenge' over the next year. Neither reported enjoying it, but Cliff was pleased with himself.

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