I’ve often thought how much I’d like to be like my narc in some ways. I would very much like to care about myself so much that I am unapologetic about making myself happy and safe. I’d like to not be hurt all the time because I’m so focused on myself. I’d like to have as much energy as he does. I’d like to have so much confidence and ability to have everyone interested in me. But I don’t want to be cruel, or take pleasure in someone’s suffering. I don’t want to disregard everyone else’s needs. I don’t want to make people feel the way he makes me feel. I don’t want to constantly brag and suck attention from every source. So both I guess.