I've lived in many countries but have only visited the US briefly. Even though I'd have good career prospects in the US I refuse to move their due to safety concerns and regressive politics when I have other options.

I'm all for politeness but you should only be polite to men in circumstances where they would be polite to you, there shouldn't be any additional burden on women.

In some non American cultures people do not really talk to strangers so there is less of an expectation for fake politeness and small talk. This can be more isolating but it also means it is easier to be closer to smaller groups who are actually your friends. But it is all a matter of interpretation, as others may see it as rude.

In my opinion intuition is a personal thing, it can be wrong or right of course but in regards to matters like this you should do what makes you comfortable. Irrational intuition does indeed exist like people who believe in conspiracies etc and we can certain judge those people. It is not wrong to have a blanket policy over your security, even if it affects people who are not actually perpetrators as long as you aren't discriminating against anyone.

In your situation however your intuition is obviously correct so anyone telling you otherwise is gas-lighting you to normalise their unacceptable behaviour.