Just a thought, but do you think some of what you're describing could be due to something like asperger's or another mental difference? Just right off the bat it sounds like your dad has some rigidity with plans, maybe some emotional regulation issues and/or anxiety, experiences "special interests", trouble with connecting on an emotional and social level, black and white thinking (which could be a symptom of a variety of different issues), sensory processing difficulty (it sounds like) and maybe some object permanence difficulty, and reliance on others for structure/reassurance. Of course there's definitely some immaturity and some abusive coping mechanisms, but it sounds like he might have something undiagnosed that's broadly affecting his family relationships. Another possibility is that he has just a really overwhelming victim mindset due to some kind of personality disorder or trauma or something but I'm not a psychologist so please take all of this with a huge grain of salt