If you upvote this, absolutely nothing will happen.

You pick Lycan. You tell your team that you will jungle. You tell your team that you will never fight with them. You tell your team that you will split push. You do this in a nice way because you are Lycan picker and you want to win. You buy stout, quelling, tangoes in that exact order. You go jungle. You get: level 7, 4-0-2-1 skill build. You have: vlads, quelling, stout, smoke. You smoke and take rosh before 10 minutes. You time that motherfucker. You buy brown boots. You go push a lane or take ancients if there is no safe lane to push. You repeat until game is won. You never fight with your team ever. You never fight without your team ever. Wolves need no armour. Why do wolves need no armour you may ask? Wolves need no armour because wolves never fight; wolves split push. This is why wolves need no armour. Your team dying 4 mid? You do not fight with them. You do not teleport to them. You do not flame them. You are Lycan and you want to win. You have teleportation scrolls but you use them to get to lanes as far away from danger as possible and push. You tell your team to fight under tower. You tell your team not to come to your lane. You do this in a nice way because even though wolves need no armour wolves want to win games. If you are getting ganked (you should be looking at the mini map and not be in a situation where you’re getting ganked) but if you are getting ganked you know what to do: you listen to Lycan and Lycan tells you what? That’s right you sonofabitch: Lycan tells you that "the wolf runs". You pop that ultimate, you back off and you TP out. You push another lane or you farm jungle/farm ancients/smoke roshan. If you don't know what to do then what do you do? That's right; you listen to Lycan again and Lycan tells you that "the wolf runs" and that "wolves need no armour". This does not mean "the wolf fights"; it means that the wolf go split push. You are on a lane preferably furthest away from danger. You are in the jungle or at the ancients farming. You are at roshan getting that aegis timing that shit. You get necro 1, 2, 3. You upgrade your brown boots into boots of travel. You do it in this exact order. You keep that split push going. You smoke rosh whenever he's up. You keep telling your team not to be with you or come to your lanes. You are Lycan. You are nice about it. You are split push. You are objectives. You are win. You remember that "wolves love to battle" against structures because then wolves will need no armour and wolves can run in circles around the structures. You never fight. You end the game with 0-0-0 and the highest building damage ever conceived by man.

/r/circlejerk Thread