I would start to live.

I am a person who is overworrying, I actually have a avoidant personality disorder. From the outside peple would think I am a normal person, who enjoys life, wit many friends and girls. In fact I spend most time home because I am worried about getting arrested and other stuff. My chest and heart have always this "negative euphoria". I am hardly relaxed. Only when I work out or play an intensive game, like Battlefield. Then I can forget.

I am 27 and didn't achieve much in my life. I somehow got back though and was able to attend university two years ago. Since then I am studying really hard but there are always these extreme negative thoughts, if I can be succesful or not. Overworrying about what if I can't do it.

These are no usual worries, they are extreme. For example:

I got attacked a few months ago at night but nothing happened, I dodged everything and calmed them down, we talked then. Suddenly the cops arrive and take our ID's. They arrest a guy because he was aggressive.

I got home and for months thought like that: "What if the guy said I started? I don't wanna get a letter from the cops. What if th letter gets lost and they think I just ignored it? What if someone stole the letter from my mailbox? What if I get after a few months an invitation to court because they assumed I didn't want to go to the examination? What if the guy hurt himself and went to the doc, saying it was my fault and I have to pay? What if I have to go to jail?"

I was lying in bed for months .. now it's gone. But new thoughts already arrived. Not so abd though now.

Anyway, what would I do if I win the lottery? I would start to live, I wouldn't worry about my future. I would rent a nice apartment in my favourite city and just be free. I would travel a bit and give homeless and poor all over the world secretly money. I don't need much, I only want to be free from these negative thoughts.