I understand being upset with the school, but causing all this drama is not going to be super beneficial to anyone, least of all the child. From everything you said, it sounds like the para definitely needs professional development, specifically a class on autism and working with students with autism. Could it not have been a perception issue as far as everyone in the class hearing the conversation? I definitely believe she said what she did, but how many people actually heard it? I find it a bit hypocritical that you're up in arms about the para breaking FERPA and disclosing your nephew's disability and yet you want them to spell out why the para was in the classroom at all... obviously it would break FERPA for them to say "oh she's here for so and so..." I think it's important for your SIL to figure out what she wants out of this and then go from there because contacting everyone under the sun will get attention, but that's it unless she has some specific demands. She can't undo what has happened, so now it's about moving forward and figuring out what's best for the kiddo, not dwelling and causing unnecessary drama.