Not sure anyone will read this.

I don't think he ever truly felt the same or something was off the whole time. I miss him though. Not just him but the idea of him because I don't have anyone else there for me. I bought a dog to help and it does. Except my dog can't talk or watch movies with me or talk about girls with me. My friend was great he stopped me from killing myself and always talked me down. I think I ruined it though. I went crazy when he hurt me again and wasn't trying to fix it, he was too busy at college. I was lost and alone and had no friend because he was busy, and he gave up. I still text the number sometimes except I think he blocked it a long time ago. I vent to myself and talk about how bad im feeling and how my life is horrible. I was so used to it it's just a habit now. I'm never expecting a response or to ever see him again.

I'd do it over instantly if I could. I'd fix my whole life if I could. I would like a friend back and I would like to have a real friendship without my problems in the way.