I'm a [22M] who has realised or at least thinks he's in love with an old friend. It's an impossible situation for me to fathom. Help would be greatly appreciated.

This is not meant to be harsh but you need to stop talking about love. Love is a reciprocated feeling built through trust, communication, and respect. What you are is infatuated.

You also appear to be dealing with a really bad case of the 'what ifs'. Sadly, the problem with that sort of thinking is that you only deal in positives. There is no 'What if she leaves her fiance, gets with me and I spend the rest of our relationship waiting for a guy to take her from me'. Face facts, big lad, she is with someone. She is happy. Let her be.

That is not to say nothing can be done to help you. The 'what ifs' can be retrained. Every time you start thinking about ehr breaking up with her fiance and running away with you, automatically add something ridiculous. For example:

'She could leave him and be with me. We would be so happy. Until I fin out that the only way she gets off is if I dress up like a clown and put a mackerel up my bum'

The stupider, and more outlandish, the better. Eventually, these thoughts will pass, your friendship will continue, and you don't need to be that guy.

/r/relationships Thread