I'm[29F] the LL one, looking for solutions...

Hi, I'm not sure what I'm looking for, you guys are not therapists and a lot of you hate women like me because you're married to one. It's just kind of scary reading how frustrated the men are here because a lot of these posts echo the things my husband[32M] says. I've always been lower libido than my husband, but it got really bad about a year ago. Unfortunately we've also only been married a little over a year. We have sex about once a week, for the record, but my husband would like it way more often.

Not to make excuses for myself, just explain, a year ago I suddenly started having terrible pain in my head every day that made me vomit and scream. I was truly afraid I would have to kill myself. Anyway this all made our sex life grind to a halt obviously. In August I had brain surgery and the recovery was long and painful, I had an incision down the entire back of my head and upper neck. This made it uncomfortable to do anything sexual for some time since the incision hurt and I couldn't turn my neck. It was all a really bad time. Even though I'm much improved, I'm still often tired and in pain and cannot exercise from the head pain that brings.

Since all of this happened, I just don't feel sexy. My husband gets frustrated trying to understand why I don't since he worships my appearance. But it's hard to explain, I just don't feel sexy, I feel like, protective of myself, on self-preservation mode. I want to hug myself and be hugged, all the time. I used to like to dress up and look pretty and that would get me in the mood, but I don't want to dress up anymore after this because I don't view myself that way now. So anyway he gets hurt and upset and cannot understand when I tell him, and he's probably right, I mean it is not like I had cancer.

Well either way, my libido, always pretty low, is completely gone now and I don't know what to do, because having no libido is way worse than having just a low one. I have tried many vitamins and herbal supplements. I drink wine or alcohol even though it interacts with my medications. I have even once or twice taken a leftover post-op opiate on an evening I knew he'd want sex in the hopes it would get me feeling loose enough to want it. I think lack of exercise is a big part of the problem, so I regularly attempt to exercise again without my husband knowing because he feels bad when I get the pain, but I have to stop after a couple of days as the pain comes back. What else is there to try?

Sorry I guess I'm not really waiting to hear solutions here because there probably is no solution. It's just frustrating for me, a loser LL. After reading the posts on this sub, I'm wondering if this will be my husband in a few years, counting the days until he's legally free from the non-stop rain on his parade that I am. Despite what you guys think, not all of us want to have a low libido and a sexless life isn't something we want to 'do to you'. I wish I could get turned on as easily as someone with a HL does; it must be nice to really get into sex. I mean food, sex and sleep are pretty much what living things LIVE for, so imagine how it would feel if someone touching you down there literally felt the same as if they were just poking your forearm. Imagine food didn't have any taste or aroma; that's what not having a libido is like.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread