I'm [31M] and my [35F] GF of one year participated in a public BDSM exhibitionist event at Burning Man without talking to me about it.

I agree that this is screwed up. One thing that sticks out to me, though, is this:

I gave no stipulations or mandates, just "have a good time at Burning Man honey" and sent her on her way.

You did not discuss your boundaries beforehand, and are now upset that they were violated. This seems to be a pattern in your relationship (i.e., you not being open with her about your jealousy, so she in turn does more things that make you jealous). I am in no way excusing what she did, or saying that you do not have a right to be upset. You have every right to your feelings about this. And you are also martyring yourself a little bit. What you're basically saying is "I do all these things for her, and she doesn't do the same for me!" Being in a relationship with someone who does not reciprocate things like trust, love, and respect, is absolutely unhealthy (and incredibly painful). So I ask you - why do you choose to keep doing these things? Are you using "love" as a form of power to try to get her to conform to your needs? (Note: I have absolutely been this person).

This woman obviously does not meet your most important needs. You cannot change her, nor can you control what she does. What you CAN control is what YOU do.

/r/relationships Thread