I'm (34m) feeling utterly unappreciated by my girlfriend (34m) of 3.5 years

Well i guess I'll step in here and offer my advice since I'm also a Melbournian and half Thai; involved with the Thai community, and of course I've been exposed to a lot of Thai women and their fun but often times frustrating ways.

I'd bet that the cultural aspect she retains from Thailand is the expectancy that the man pays- she expects you to pay because you're the man. That's how it is in Thailand for the middle aged and older generations. This isn't racist nor am I assuming, it's just how it is (however this is slowly dying out with people of the younger generation). I find Thai women who move to Australia tend to consistently move the goal posts for their own personal benefit. They either use cultural expectations for their benefit, or the fact that they've assimilated into western society for their benefit.

Now, in having this discussion with your girlfriend, i would approach this from a cultural angle. You know in Thailand men are considered above women even if people try to deny this (and i don't really understand why Thai people like to deny parts of their culture that are very obviously sexist or racist that they themselves participate in). But in this country, Australia or NZ or wherever you are now- men and women are equal, which means equal rights, and equal contribution. You need to sit her down and communicate this to her. Try not to let her attempt to derail you. You need to wrap up every attempt she makes at trailing off and talking about random irrelevant topics. ''please lets focus on x topic first''.

She will probably flare up instantly and become defensive and use the poor me excuses, which unfortunate for you are very valid excuses. So, counter these by saying its nothing to do with how rich you are, its just principle. Its nothing to do with how poor i am, its the principle of it. In Western society, men and women contribute equally, and when that doesn't happen, culturally, the losing party begins to feel under appreciated. ''which is how I'm feeling now''. Tell her you do appreciate her attempts to clean etc, but remind her that you are supporting her and feeling like now after three years its time for her to contribute again, because this is the honorable thing to do. Talk about how her contribution, however small, translates into respect and a desire to want to support your partner. Talk about it being the honorable thing to do in our culture. And if she says thats not what we do in my culture, well babe, you live here now and that's all part of the commitment.

/r/relationships Thread