I'm a 45 year old female high school teacher and last Saturday, I won a case against my boss over my relationship with a former student who graduated over 12 years ago! AMA!

I was a high school teacher for 12.5 years. They are YOUR KIDS. That's how you refer to them. How everyone talks about them at work. "My kids are driving me nuts today." "How did your kids do on that test?"

You develop an extremely maternal/paternal (or at the very least, big-brother/sister) relationship with them in many ways. You are privy to some of their most private personal information (disabilities, visits to counseling services, calls to CPS, learning issues, fights, etc.). You are modeling appropriate behavior for them every second of every day.

Teaching at that level has a lot less to do with the mechanics of transferring information and a lot more to do with developing an appropriate but warm rapport with the kids, being a solid, reliable fixture in their lives as a community member (whether you live in-district or not), and playing the part of a knowledgeable "elder" of sorts whom they can go to when they need to talk to an adult but are maybe afraid of saying something to a friend or parent, etc., etc.

No one I ever worked with in 12.5 years over four different school districts would have ever dated a student or former student because of that relationship. It would feel like dating a relative.

No offense to OP, but I just can't even wrap my head around having anything but a cordial, professional-but-warm rapport with my former students, including the ones who are 30 years old now.

/r/casualiama Thread Parent