The sex positivity here is great. However I'm going to point out the psychological signs I'm seeing here.
I'm a 50 year old male who has suffered from sexual dysfunctions for my entire life.
Depression.
Specifically, premature ejaculation and impotence.
Low self-esteem.
While I have been sexually active throughout my life starting in my early 20s, and I have had an average number of sex partners, sex has always been problematic and embarrassing for me.
Low self-esteem, self control and unrealistic expectations.
I have had relationships and even have been married but sex was always kind of an unspoken problem.
Unwillingness to seek assistance. Unwillingness to face oneself.
I have usually been able to perform, but my erections were generally weak (just hard enough to enter someone if able to even do that), and I would orgasm within 30 seconds of entering a woman.
"entering a woman" Possibly a small degree of misogyny in the thinking processes.
Even getting myself to last that long required a lot of effort. Receiving oral sex or receiving a hand job was similar and I would ejaculate almost immediately.
Minimal self-control and willpower.
I have always been interested in sex, however, but I don't think I ever truly enjoyed it once because of my inability to perform "normally".
Unrealistic expectations. Low self control.
Still, I have never lost interest in sex and try and get as much of it as possible.
No self control and the psychological definition of insanity, "trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results."
I am single now and have been sexually active but things have not improved.
See previous.
I thought it would be interesting to try and turn to medicine to see if that would help at all.
Unwillingness to seek assistance until it's the last option.
And I was really pleasantly surprised by my experience.
Unrealistic expectations.
Specifically, I tried two things. First, not surprisingly, was Viagra. I've used it in the past and I don't really remember it doing much for me. It seemed like I was slightly more erect than normal, but not in a significant way.
See previous.
But this time I upped my dosage to 60mg whereas in the past I only took the one 20mg pill. I took it an hour or so before sex. I found that when the sexual activity started, which was simply kissing and petting, I was immediately becoming aroused. This isn't something that usually happened, at least not to a noticeable degree.
See previous.
As the act progressed, specifically me giving oral sex to my partner, I was 100% aroused. The only time I can remember being that erect was when I would occasionally wake up with an erection.
Under developed emotions. Emotional distance. Perhaps inability to emotionally connect with others.
This erection did not go away until I ejaculated later in the session, and was very strong and hard throughout the experience, with my partner even commenting on it. I was somewhat in disbelief.
Unrealistic expectations.
I wasn't surprised that the Viagra solved the impotence problem, but the premature ejaculation was something I never thought I would get past. I have tried so many things to cure this problem, with no success.
Unrealistic expectations, minimal self control and unwillingness to accept responsibility of the self.
Someone mentioned to me that you can buy a Lidocaine based spray in stores, and I thought I would try it. KY puts one out which is sold at Walmart, and there's another brand that is sold at Target. I got the KY brand based on the recommendation of the person I was talking to. I tried it once while I was alone using my fleshlight, and it did not help at all--I orgasmed within a few minutes.
Under developed emotions. A feeling of being misunderstood and having had nobody listen in an attempt to understand you are both likely.
But I only did 2 sprays, and the product recommends doing 10 sprays. About 20 minutes prior to today's session, I gave myself 7 sprays. I think it's important to let it soak in and just sit for a minute or so while it does it thing. Then rub it in until you are dry. I noticed a tingling pretty much immediately, which had me concerned. But it went away before too long. I was concerned my partner would notice it, but she didn't say anything.
Expectations again.
Amazingly, I had complete control over my orgasm.
Orgasm is triggered by excitement reaching it's peek. Similar to a capacitor reaching it's discharge threshold or mentos exploding a sealed bottle of diet coke. Deep slow breaths to slow the peak and deep rapid breaths to hasten the peak. Controlled breathing is pretty much the key to everything regardless of genital configuration.
The numbness was "loud" enough to keep up with your excitement. This goes back to self-control and willpower.
My partner gave me oral sex and I had no concerns about ejaculating. I did not feel at all like I was about to. Normally as soon as oral sex begins, I can feel the orgasm beginning. But not today. And it's not as if I was numb--it all felt pleasurable and enjoyable. I actually felt like I was having "normal" sex for the first time ever.
A sign of rejecting reality for the fantasy.
We eventually moved on to intercourse and again, it felt great but I didn't have any concerns about ejaculating. I felt like I could have gone on for quite a while. I had an orgasm after 5 minutes or so of non stop intercourse, but it was almost like I "made" myself do it. I honestly felt like I could have gone longer if I slowed down and changed positions.
Low self control and a sign of a preference to shift responsibility to an outside source.
Anyway, I can't express how good this made me feel.
A rejection of responsibility for the self at the success of gratifying a fantasy through external means.
While I would have preferred achieving this on my own, I don't really feel badly about having turned to medication to achieve this.
Treating the symptom can result in the space to work on treating the problem.
I never in my life thought I would have sex like I did today.
Expectations again.
If there is anyone out there who is suffering from either of these problems, I highly encourage you to try what is available on the market. I will say, I do have a Viagra hangover. I have had a headache the entire day and I am completely exhausted. But that has been the only negative so far.
Unwillingness to work on the problem when ducktape can get around it.
tldr: The world is plagued with Peter Pan Syndrome. It's reinforced by societies insistence on escapism and avoidance. I'm working through it myself. It's a tough road but it's exceptionally fulfilling.