I'm about to relapse

You know, it's okay to have thoughts about self harm. Sometimes I have thoughts about punching the face of the person I'm talking to, and then I just laugh to myself. How silly is that, that my brain wants to know what would happen if I randomly harm another person? That's something I try to remember when I get thoughts about self-harming. Something happens that makes me stressed and my brain thinks "you know what would really help? How about hurting yourself?" And I just laugh because my brain doesn't know what's best for me. It's been 5 years since I last self-harmed, and my brain still does that! But your brain isn't being dumb, just conditioned, because it has actually helped you in the past. But you know better than that. Because before you didn't know what to do in that situation, and self-harm was your best option, but now you have made it a year without self harming. You know the strategies on what to do when you're stressed. You know how to take deep breaths, listen to music you like, treat yourself to a nice drink from starbucks, and all those other things you do when stressed.

It's also okay to be anxious. I don't know many people who wouldn't be anxious in the situation you're in. School is difficult, you are being forced to chose between friends, and to top it off your girlfriend is mad at you. Here is what I do when I am stressed. Take a moment to just sit there and think to yourself "I'm anxious." Don't judge it or try to stop it, just realize that your brain is sending out anxiety hormones throughout your body because it is preparing its fight or flight response. Are your thoughts racing? If they are just think, "hmm that's interesting. That's one way my body is expressing anxiety." Now do the same for other symptoms. Is your stomach knotted? Your heart racing? Hmm, that's interesting, you may think. Has your urge to self harm increased? Hmm, that's interesting.

And now you are hopefully aware that what you are experiencing is perfectly normal. Maybe now you can start to figure out what to do in the situation you are in. Situations come and go. Sometimes stress happens and we get anxious and that is okay. I wish you luck in the situation you are in.

/r/selfharm Thread