Wild. I was thinking last night about what I would have liked from my ex, who happens to be a film maker, and I an artist of sorts. I was thinking how it would be amazing if they were willing to be a kind of parent to me. But I couldn't articulate inmy mind what that meant, exactly. How you described it helps me alot.

I had a terrible upbringing. It has had profound and harmful affects of myself and relationshops throughout my life. It is difficult to talk about because of how traumatic it was for me, from birth. It is difficult to let people in to my world because my world has not been mine. It has been what other people have dictated for me.

So now in life and last night I was wondering about partners and are there any that would be willing to take on that kind of a nurturuing/parent role with someone like me. I thought my ex could be that someone but it turns out they are not. I don't blame them for wanting out but I do blame them for working so hard to get me to open up and let them in, which I did, and then leave me.

I think your friend is fortunate to have you in her life and I hope she comes around. I hope for both of you that when she comes around, you don't leave.

I would love and long for often, to have a partnership like one you have described. I have wanted so badly to collaborate creatively with my ex, that sometimes I just feel that they believe that what I have to offer because of my trauma and past experience, is not good enough.

I hate that I need this kind of guidance. I hate that if I am in a partnership, I need to be with someone who can boss me around a little bit to make sure I wash my face and brush my teeth in the morning. I hate myself that I am not normal and can't seem to do things normal people can do.

Your friend, C, is lucky to have you.

Please don't let that go to waste. Mean it when you say you want to be there for her.

Just please. Mean it.

good luck to you!