I'm considering becoming a mormon, what are the worst parts of it that the church doesn't tell you?

Ok, got it - definitely see and understand the appeal. If you don't believe in the doctrinal aspects, but want the community, there's a few flags that are worth considering:

Sexuality - Not sure if you're a man or a woman, single or married, but are you cool giving up masturbating, watching porn, or any sexual contact beyond kissing until marriage? The idea that sex is inherently damaging outside of marriage and that men can't control their lust and that women are for having sex with and their bodies must be covered and their virtue is the most important thing about them? Because you're not only going to need to do this, you're going to need to affirm regularly in private interviews that you've done so and that you're "worthy" if you want to be a member in good standing in this church. You may be called on as a member to give public talks or teach a sunday school class where you will have to represent this type of thinking. Are you seriously okay with that?

Children - Are you comfortable raising your kids in an environment where they are taught that "when the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done" and to unquestioningly follow the head of a church you don't actually believe in? Are you cool with a middle-aged man taking your children behind closed doors and interrogating them about their sexual thoughts, masturbation habits, and demanding details of their sexual exploration? Do you want your children to grow up believing they are better than other people, that they have the truth, categorizing the world into "member" and "others who don't have the light and the truth as we do" as the LDS church encourages? Especially when you don't believe in the church's truth claims?

Family togetherness - I see the appeal of families being together forever, but the truth? My family disowned me because I left Mormonism. The church holds family members hostage, subject to terms and conditions of your faithfulness. My family sees me as worth much less now because all they have is a physical, earthly bond with me, not an eternal one. This sub is full of stories of families being torn apart because parents chose their beliefs over their children. The facade of the church's focus on the family is belied by their pressure to shame, ostracize, divorce, or cut off ties with family members who are no longer active in the church.

Gender roles - If you have a daughter, don't raise her in a church that teaches that her value in life comes from her ability to keep herself sexually pure before marriage, and from raising children and keeping a home after marriage. Don't let her believe that her body is shameful, and should be covered, and that she is responsible for men who lust after it. Don't let her believe her role and her purpose is to be a helpmeet to men, or that it's better for her to be killed than to let someone rape her. I cannot, cannot, cannot stress to you enough how painful and damaging it is to grow up with this kind of conditioning.

Even if you're cool with the sacrifices (no coffee, no alcohol, no masturbation, no porn, no R rated movies, wearing special clothing, etc) it seems sort of strange that you'd also pay 10% of your income for the privilege of being deprived of these things by a church whose truth claims you KNOW are crazy and fake. That said, there's a lot of New Order Mormons (NOMs) like you on this sub who don't believe the doctrine, but like the community, and I hope you hear from some of them about how they make it work.

/r/exmormon Thread