I really feel this. I'm married now, but my husband is beyond kind to me. He does so much for me, big things little things you name it. He's really really special to me, but every time he does something kind for me, I immediately feel like the biggest piece of shit, like I dont deserve someone like this. Especially because my depression and self loathing often manifest as anger and outbursts a lot of the time towards him just because he's there. Don't get me wrong I don't treat him badly, but every little disappointment or upset between us feels earth shattering to me even if he's forgotten about it 2 seconds later. Its one of those things where I just sort of want to die so I'm jot inconvenienceing anyone anymore, but I also know that dying would also mean I'd leave a lot of people in shambles. Its like I'm stuck in a purgatory type place. I've felt like this pretty much my entire life, but somehow I'm still here. You really have to keep finding something to hold on to. Hope you feel better soon, try to enjoy your special day. I'm sure your fiance loves you more than anything. Best of luck.