Thanks for the empathy and kind words.

Honestly, the fact that it's been a year and a half and this is the first time I'm even getting these thoughts written out (outside my head) shows how tough it is to even think about. The loss of him alone is the most devastating thing I can think of, and to approach this subject seriously almost makes me admonish myself for doing so. Calling myself crazy, etc.

It's a theory that I've been just tiptoeing around for so long and I know it's going to be impossible to gather any real evidence of at this point, so it may just have to be one of those hanging threads in my mind. I don't think I have it in me right now to have him exhumed and examined, or whether that would even yield anything of value at this point. So it might just have to be something I bite the bullet on and realize I'll never have an answer.