I'm drunk and my relationship is a ??? (possible nsfw?)

You know, his behavior reminds me a lot of my own. And I know a lot of people on reddit are quick to jump the gun and rule things as depression or social anxiety when things go wrong.... But I don't think it's that. Let me offer you someone who might be kind of in his shoes. I get very obsessive about some things like work or school, and when that happens, I just need to focus completely on what I'm doing. The more I want it, the more I block out everything in my life and have to go for this goal.

I think it's BECAUSE he cares about you that he's pushing you away. Like right now, all he needs to think about is this job. He doesn't want to get distracted and needs to really focus on this. And because you're such a great girlfriend, he knows he'll get distracted. But he doesn't want that. In order for him to succeed with this job search, he just needs to focus all his energy on it.

It actually doesn't matter what ANYONE does for him. Someone could give him an all expenses paid trip to Bali or some other desirable location and he wouldn't care. Honestly, there is NOTHING that YOU can do that will make him relax and go back to normal, unless you happen to know the hiring manager or something and get him to hire your boyfriend on the spot. The only thing that will make him feel better and go back to normal is doing well on his interviews and getting a new job. It doesn't matter how much you tell him he'll do well, he's smart, maybe he'll do better if he relaxes more. He himself doesn't believe that, and won't believe that no matter how many times you tell him. He has probably already set conditions in his mind for himself that will determine his success on this undertaking, and those are the only ones he's going to pay attention to, so your encouragement is not helping.

And honestly, it's probably stressing him out even more. I really don't mean to offend you or anything like that because I know you're coming from a good place, but reading about all the things you did to try and cheer him up made ME feel really anxious because I was imagining someone doing that for me when I'm preparing for something. When I get in this determined mode, I kind of have a schedule in my mind... Like a game plan that maps out every aspect of my life that I think will ensure my success In a particular endeavor. It's kind of like, "okay, I'm going to eat toast for breakfast while walking to work so I can get there early and prep before I start my day. Then I'm going to practice during lunch too. When i come home, I'm just going to microwave the leftover ham for a quick dinner, then practice some more before going to bed early." But when you made the dinner for him, it like derailed his whole plans and then he probably got anxious because he might not be able to do all he planned to do that day... And in his mind he might be thinking, "shit, if I don't do all that I planned to do today, I won't do well on the interview!" Like that might not be true. He might be over prepared even, but he won't be able to go into the interview confident that he's really prepared unless everything in his preparation plan went perfectly. It was a nice gesture, really. But at times like these, and for people who kind of get in this obsessive mode, it really isn't helping.

I think the best thing to do is just leave him alone. He'll come to you if he needs help. Leave him alone, let him do his thing. It's not that he doesn't love you anymore. He just is in his own world, and NEEDS to be in his own world until he reaches his goal (which is finding the job). If he's still not back to normal after that, then you can maybe have a talk with him and then you can consider depression or whatever. But just give him all the space he needs right now.

/r/rant Thread