I feel you. It actually gave me horrible panic attacks for a long time. Even a puff and itd trigger some kinda fear adrenaline response. My bhole would tighten up, stomach sink, id feel hated and vulnerable, like a scared baby..

I kept doing it over though, and it kept confronting me to face the world as who I really was. A weak, afraid, fraud. It was by facing them that I was able to change my ways. It helped me by making things 'worse', as I wasnt able to ignore my inner pains when I got high

By no means a great idea, but its a repeatable sink or swim excercise. Which was and still is soo odd a thing to me..

Idk, just puttin it out there