I'm glad you enjoyed my post and sorry for the delay in further response, more explanation is above in reply to another post if you're interested.

Good luck to your friends! I hope though at this point at least, unless they want to be involved in the black market, they are only interested in supplementing another income because the more I research the more it seems the government is determined not to allow ordinary people to grow marijuana for a living, regardless of how good they may be at it, and even as a supplemental income they want to highly regulate and restrict it. They'd rather big companies (which of course pay them for the privilege) come in and take it over, if ever allowed at all. My view may be skewed a bit because I'm so strongly Libertarian/Anarchist, though I doubt so on this issue. I know many people involved in this business and only those operating outside the "laws" are making good money.

I'm fully aware that no one else is going to be around to make sure I'm OK which just adds to my distrust and general dislike of other humans. I'd love to have someone willing to assist me with my dogs in case of disaster/emergency but have no idea how to make that happen, especially now in my situation having to be so secretive about everything.

Just curious, from your username, are you involved in some kind of therapy? I'm wondering because I know I need therapy, have always resisted it previously even when others thought I needed it but now I know I do, feel like I'm insane and could do all kinds of crazy things at any time due to the stress I'm under. Before I got busted everything was great, well before that asshole moved in with me anyway.

I used to be what I thought was a good person, gave a bunch of money to charity, volunteered, was an active part of the community even in a loner, Libertarian sort of way and genuinely wanted to help make the world a better place. Since then everything has declined; every day it gets worse, I feel completely crazy and don't care about helping anyone anymore except my dogs. I don't want to self-diagnose but am pretty sure I have PTSD from the raid, having a gun put to my head (I relive that experience dozens if not hundreds of times every day in my mind, can't stop it from happening again and again), my and my dogs' lives threatened and turned upside down, etc. in addition to my previously existing mental issues including autism and severe anxiety.

Most days my main dilemma is, if the cops come should I shoot at them first or just worry about securing my dogs and killing myself before they break the door in again? If I waste time shooting at them they have a greater chance of taking me alive, but I hate them so fucking much. This kind of violence used to be inconceivable to me. I love reading stories about cops getting killed because I hate them and the government overall so much and am so sick of them tormenting me and so many other people. On some level I think this may be wrong, but mostly only because whenever I tell people about it they freak out and act like I'm nuts. The one time I attempted to describe my feelings to a doctor, while my attorney was delaying the monster attack, I got locked up under a 72-hour psychiatric hold, had to lie lie lie my way out of it while my dogs suffered greatly. I've been terrified to confide in any medical professionals since then. I told my attorney the same things more than once before and he never had me locked up and after just told me not to say stuff like that to people; I don't understand.

Whether you are or are not involved in therapy/psychology/psychiatry I welcome any responses from anyone who is or think they can offer solid advice that does not involve me surrendering to "authorities." Thanks.