In terms of advice: I was seeing the foremost psychologist in my region of the country, who has more experience than I have years lived and he gave up because he had no rebuttal for my view point because it is logically sound, or rather nothing about it is wrong. I tried faking it 'til I made it, filled it with friends and partying but it amounted only to me seeing a bunch of other people get happier as they found relationships, started families, and moved on with life. I don't drink, and my standards are pretty standard. Do I find you attractive?(Y/N) I myself am truthfully not an unattractive man, so clearly it's my demeanour.

I am able to be vulnerable around those I trust, but at this point no one in my life wants to hear about how emotionally nothing has changed over the years and if I try to bring it up I have no doubt I would only alienate them because no one has room in their life to take on someone else's shit. I didn't used to be bitter, 5+ years ago I was still optimistic but my circumstances have only gotten worse so it's difficult to not become embittered by failing to achieve what comes easily/naturally/without effort for others.