Hey man hopefully you didn't go through with it last night and are still reading these comments. The things you described , the small window that all who read your post are all temporary things. You have to try to realize there is a light at the end of this tunnel. I know you are fed up and angry but look at the positive side of things. You have survived this long and are almost if not out of that situation. Also you seem like a good hearted person even with the resentment you have towards your family. Taking care of your elderly grandmother at a young age while juggling school tells me you also have the drive and motivation to triumph in life. I really hope your experiences haven't made you jaded to the point that you took your own life. Gap is overrated. I know tons of people who had below a 2.0 gap in high school who are living a successful life now. Being a first generation American my family stressed me out with the importance of a good education making me believe that things I did in high school actually mattered. Today i turn 34 and let me tell you high school doesn't mean a thing. You have lesdrship traits and drive even if you don't see it, I will emphasize that it took a lot of hard work on your behalf to care after your grandmother.

Hopefully instead of suicide you give life one more shot at it and another and another. We as humans are resilient beings and you still have time to turn it around. You are likely more independent than a majority of people your age. I'm not religious but you are an angel (not trying to sound cheesey ) but something inside you chose to take care of an elderly woman in your grandmother. Please give yourself a chance.