I have dated others for much longer and I understand how there are periods that go through cycles of pain and acceptance. The problem with this one is that I have never before ever felt shaken in my faith due to anything like a breakup or anything in general. With this breakup initially I prayed and leaned and then had a "click" moment of, "why am I even praying for help here" I guess. I felt better and saddened, as if I was praying for no reason and that no one could help me but me. I'll say I have felt better from my breakup ever since my faith has faltered. I know it's not how it is supposed to be. I felt as if almost as if there is no way that God could have any part in bringing me something that felt so right and then having it go away. And if God couldn't have had a hand in it, does he have a hand in anything or even exist? I've genuinely never questioned so much before. I've never felt like I was dumb for believing before. I want to go back to knowing that God is there and wants what is best for me, but it's so hard. I feel like I pray to nothing.

I know some but not a lot about the evidence for christianity due to studies when I was in school and time in college. I have no idea what I need. I just need something or help. I need to know that He is there and real. If theres any good sources that you or anyone here knows of that can help me please don't hesitate to share.