Dude, you really have found the holy grail of despair, my god. Your view of yourself and the world is so ironclad, it comes with its own defense mechanism. I mean we all get your situation, as we all have been in a place were we felt so miserable that just beating ourselves down was the only option. But unfortunately the reality is that everybody is gonna tell you that (irrespective of how shitty your life may be) you vastly overestimate your own shortcomings and vastly underestimate the potential to grow and nothing we could possibly ever say will help or convince you. You truly and deeply believe that your life CANNOT get better, you've said so yourself. Even worse, now that we have thrown a bunch of stuff your way, your mind can go "see, that too doesn't work, then things must really be hopeless". The fact that you don't have experiences has NO bearing whatsoever on whether or not you can make experiences, it's simply irrelevant. Almost to the contrary. Who makes a lot of experiences? Babies, because they havent done shit. Its the I've-eaten-myself-to-300-pounds-so-why-stop-eating-now mental trap in a nutshell. You can go to the gym..is it gonna be great? Nah, probably not, but it's something (just for shits and giggles here is a video of a guy with cerebal palsy competing in a weightlifting comp). You could do all sorts of things even having been dealt a shit hand before and its ok to feel a little sad about having to catch up. But that necessitates wanting to change to begin with. I'll stop here.