I know. I totally feel your situation. I know other people tell you just leave like it is no big thing. Like going and living in a cardboard box under an overpass would be a big improvement over where you are at? If you even had your car to go sleep in then you could pack up your most important things and start a new life but you are stuck as good as a fly in honey. I can already guess you don't have family that you can just go live with while you get your feet under you again. Guys who do this know what they are doing. They pick women who are basically alone in the world or else isolate them until they are alone. And I also understand that there are pieces of him that you love and you don't want to hurt him. I am sure he is a very vulnerable hurt person who is very damaged and he tries to keep complete control over you because he doesn't want to be left but that desperation also makes him very dangerous. I know your situation. You are probably also not young anymore where you feel like you can just start over in life. Leaving and starting over must seem like it means becoming the old crazy cat lady who dies alone. Is that all correct?