You eventually will come around to it. I started out much the same way. I started regularly abusing a variety of substances early on, in my teens. Eventually, I dropped out of high school and got really bad. One day I kind of realized what was going on, got my act together.

I got my GED, then associates, then my bachelors. At university I went back to substance abuse. It is very easy to do in that environment. By then, it was mostly alcohol on the weekends. By graduation it had grown more frequent. I almost overslept graduation from getting wasted the night before.

Job prospects sucked after graduation. I drank more. Got a job that sucked and drank more. Moved halfway across the country for a better job. Drank more.

I tried to get my shit together. I had take the LSAT on a whim after graduation. I decided to apply to some law schools. I was accepted. I drank so much that first year they kicked me out.

For some reason, the school let me back in the next year. I stayed relatively sober the first year and managed to do quite well. I had some family problems and started drinking heavily throughout 2L and 3L. I graduated in the bottom 3rd of my class after being in the top 10% my first year.

I then completely destroyed my law career. I won't get into specifics but it was alcohol related. I am now working at a nowhere job trying to get my shit back together. It fucking sucks watching my friends, who have little education, but have self control, be successful while I am a broke dick dude. It is nothing but my fault.

It is my fault because I knew for a long time I had a problem and I did nothing about it. I thought I could handle it on my own but I didn't. My pride fucked up my life.

If you have to ask the question the answer is probably, "Yes, you have a problem." It isn't something that goes away. If you let it snowball you may just end up holding a lot of regrets that drive you even further into addiction.