I'm off to undergrad film school next year, here's a draft of the script for the short film I'm making this summer before I go

Heyo, I really appreciate the feedback. It seriously means a lot. And I totally understand your criticism. There's a lot that can go.

I guess my only defense on most of this stuff is that I was just trying to have fun writing the script, and since I'm directing it myself, some of the things you mention I have a clear understanding of what they'll become. But obviously, if I ever was to submit this script somewhere, most (well, all) of that would go. It was just me trying to add some personality to it. It clearly didn't work for you, which is completely fair :)

Yet, I can see exactly your criticism. I'll get to working on it. Appreciate it!

/r/Screenwriting Thread Parent