Thanks for the lengthy response. That's all I can really ask for from a stranger. I get what you mean.

I am a spoilt middle class white kid who goes to a private school, I know that. The way I phrased it all in the post didn't include any other issues other than her really.

I am spoilt, but throwing money at a child doesn't help them. My parents divorced due to my dad physically abusing my brother and my brother fighting back too. My dad then started dating his current parter while my parents were still technically married. My brother has now moved out and is 21 but is severely fucked up and is deep in to shit that no one but he can help with, and he's pushed us all away. I still have to go see my dad every second weekend and spend time with him and his parter and put on a fucking smile and act like it's all ok. My mum hasn't been the same since and while I still live with her, it's like she's not here. I have dinner with her about twice a week maximum. I just sit in the house alone most of the time.

I still can't sleep at night and still get nightmares about watching my brother throw my dad through a solid glass door, and listening to my mum cry and scream down the phone at my dad all night after they divorced, because she still wanted him back and all those nights where there would be fights and arguments and I'd be lying in bed and asked in the morning if I'd heard anything, and I never once said I heard anything, but I heard every word. Even now, me sitting in the house in bed I cry myself to sleep because several nights a week I just can't sleep properly otherwise.

This has been going on for years, and I just can't handle it any more, I kept it bottled up for so long.