This made me cry. I can so relate to this. You articulated so well my own pain. All I can say is that yes, the world is a shithole run by blind assholes, who've set up all kinds of dehumanizing systems whose breadth it would take a lifetime to fully become aware of. But somewhere in me there's some faith that other people see it too, see how horrific people can be and how certain people end up through no fault of their own being a receptacle for far more human cruelty than a person can bear. People who see the terrifying powerlessness people like us have experienced from being that receptacle, who see how so much of our potential was destroyed. Who can cry for us not out of pity but out of loving rage at the injustice done to us. I have to believe that kind of deep seeing is out there, especially when I read books like "The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison or "The Heart is a Lonely Hunter" by Carson McCullers. I have to believe in it based on experiencing a few moments of it in my life. That there's people out there who can just grieve with us for their pain, our pain, the world's pain. Maybe I'm just deluding myself, but there's a part of me that can't shake how true it feels. And when I feel that truth, it makes all the fuckedupness of the world feel slightly more bearable. And that's all that's keeping me going right now.