You can say what you want, believe what you want, and pick over the meaning of individual words here and there all you want. The only reason that she is "running" is because she believes that I did something truly awful to her. If she knew the truth this would not be happening. Forgive me if I don't believe that some relationship with a couple that she just met can compare to the incredibly deep unconditional love of our marriage. I am not sneering at her happiness. I want her to have true happiness, not some short term relationship that she will most likely eventually regret. Yes, she had been drinking, but I had no idea that she was anything but slightly tipsy. She had told me that she had only had a drink or two, and I saw nothing to make me think otherwise. As soon as I did I put an end to things. As for us having a safeword... we never had needed one. If she wanted things to stop she just needed to say no or stop. I'm sorry that I'm not an expert on BDSM, and neither was she. It wasn't my idea to begin with. She was the one who introduced me to it. I most certainly never suggested that her having been molested in the past was a strike against her or that because she had a high sex drive that she couldn't have been raped. I felt awful for her about what happened to her when she was younger. If I had one wish it would be for her to have never had to go through that. I hated seeing what it had done to her, and I could never be responsible for causing her that kind of pain again. She never felt like she was good enough, and she didn't understand why someone would ever love her. I spent more time than you can imagine trying to make sure that she understood how incredibly amazing she was, and telling her every single day exactly what about her made me love her so much. There are two reasons that I mentioned that she was molested in the past. The first was to make clear how incredibly perverse and disgusting I found anyone that could do that sort of thing. The second is because I'm worried that the incredible trauma that experience has caused may explain why she was so concerned about something like that happening again. Why something like that might be a conclusion she would be more likely to come to taht conclusion than if that had not happened. Why she might be so unwilling to even talk to me about what happened that night when she couldn't remember. You're right that I don't understand rape because I have never experienced that kind of pain, nor could I ever inflict that kind of pain or understand someone that could. I don't understand the motivations of someone that could do something like that. Maybe rape is about control, but that night was about sex. It was about me knowing that she wanted to have sex more, and me knowing that I wanted what she wanted because I care about her. I never said that her sexual appetite meant that I could just do what I wanted. If she had ever shown any sign of not wanting to have sex that would have been the end of it. I probably would have talked to her to find out what was wrong because that would have been a new one for me, but I certainly wouldn't have forced her to do something she didn't want to do. The only reason I mentioned it to begin with is because I wanted to make it clear that I was only doing this for her to begin with. I had no desire to control her in any way. I wasn't angry with her or anything like that. I was happy to see her. I was happy that she had the opportunity to have fun with her friends that night. She had offered to come home. She had asked me to go with her. I chose not to go because I wanted her to have fun, not worry about me not having fun. I'm not a huge fan of parties...I'm just not. Maybe I should have gone anyways, and just pretended to have fun. Maybe our marriage does need work, but that's exactly the point. Our marriage needs work, not a divorce. We need to talk more, and we need to see a marriage counselor. We probably could have used a marriage counselor before. A marriage needing work though doesn't mean that it should end. Marriages shouldn't just be tossed aside. We hadn't even been married a whole year yet. We were both still new to this whole idea. If we tried to work it out and couldn't, then that would be another story. We didn't even get a chance to try though. It wouldn't be easy for her and I to start over, but it would be worth it for both of us. We loved each other too much to ever let anything come between us. We could start again like we did when we first met. Our relationship started off long distance, and we could do that again. We could talk on Skype, and we could start going out on dates together again. Eventually I could get my own apartment up there until she felt completely comfortable again. Then we could move back in together, and go from there. As for her family, it wouldn't be easy, but once she knew the truth she could tell them that she had been wrong. Eventually it would get easier, and in the meantime I would do whatever I needed to do to help things. I would swallow my pride, and I would do and say whatever I had to in order to make things easier for us. The important thing is that she knows the truth, and with enough time her family would know the same. I've made some mistakes in my life, but raping or attacking my wife is not one of them. The mistakes I've made are all things that I have put behind me. Since I met her I have made sure that I changed my life, so that nothing would ever come between us. I quit smoking, so that we would have a long life together. I quit smoking pot or doing anything illegal, so that we would never be separated over something so stupid. I would never risk what we had for anything. So yeah I "pinky swear" that I didn't do this. I wish I had a video tape or something like that of what happened that night, but I don't. Unfortunately, I'm the only one that remembers what happened. When I first found out she left because I had been violent I didn't have a clue why, and actions speak much louder than words. My actions say I didn't have a clue. I called doctors, I spoke to priests about how scared I was that I hurt my wife in my sleep, and I was even ready to spend 3 grand to have a doctor fly in to see me so she wouldn't have to spend a moment afraid of me longer than she had to. So that we could be together again as soon as possible. I don't believe for a moment that she is lying, or that she is motivated by anything but what she truly believes happened. I just know that she is wrong, and I don't want to lose my wife because of a mistake. If this hadn't happened we would still be together, and we should still be together now. She had told me that she couldn't live without me the day before this, so our marriage couldn't have been that bad could it? It wasn't perfect, but it certainly could have been fixed. I had just lost my mother, my heart was giving me trouble, my leg was giving me trouble. There were lots of reasons things were bad recently, and all of them would get better. Most of them soon. Forgive me for believing that a marriage should be saved if at all possible. Oh, and like I've said... I'm not threatening her with killing myself or anything like that. It has nothing to do with her or some ultimatum. It's not about controlling her. It's about not seeing a better life than what I have right now if she isn't in my life, and not wanting to live like that. If her and I were to get back together, then my life would be happy again. Without her it won't.