It's been a really tough year... My boyfriend took me to the Bahamas in January and then I nearly drowned while he watched and did nothing... Then someone eventually pulled me out after I had already given up and accepted my fate. Grateful for my life but then I realized that my bf didn't care about me. Then I was hit by a truck while driving, later that month. Then I found out I was pregnant and had to have an abortion. I got really depressed and did a lot of cocaine, until I suffered from a mini stroke and had to stop. My brother (best friend) is moving away next month.. Anyway, really tough situations but I got over them... Except now it's like the slightest thing is going to make me go absolutely crazy. I'm infatuated with a guy I met on reddit until he told me he has a girlfriend. Everything in me just screams that he's a piece of shit but it's like I just want to be miserable. It seems it's like the one thing that's going to set me off the edge and it's so insignificant and stupid and I feel silly. I just hate everything right now. I know I won't kill myself because that's such a selfish thing to do but then I cry because I just really want to do it, knowing that I can never do such a thing. So stupid... It's just so much has happened and it feels like no one cares about me anymore and maybe I should stop caring also.