My best childhood memories were my online friends and experiences. Without the internet I wouldn't even have had that. My parents were rarely home, I dreaded school, the shame of not understanding classes, of being bullied. When I was addicted to online games I always had something to look forward to, to think about, to be excited about. Having a goal, having your buddies, having your forums. The internet was my home. Those years were the last time I experienced real joy and the last time I've been myself. My online life felt more real than my real life. As I became older I've lost my ability to fade out reality. Nowadays it's just solving real-life problems, coping with stress and failure, trying to not break down. Every day. Every week. I can't blame anyone for escapism. My only escapism nowadays is thinking about having a terminal illness.