You need to just buck up and get a job, it's not hard. Isn't that what you've said to me? "Just do it" or "just don't think that". Do you not think I have anxieties too? I WANTED that TNG job, that's one of my perfect jobs, so I made sure I got that job no matter what. I called that HR lady 2-3 times a week because she kept saying the supervisor was going to call me but never did. And when she finally told me they hired someone else, I watched their hiring portal like a hawk till the job in the area opened up again, and she remembered me and made sure I got hired. But when I walked into those stores for the first time on my own, I was terrified that I was going to do something wrong or forget something, or thought about everyone staring at me wondering who I was or what I was doing. And I just wanted to turn around and go home so bad the first 1-2 weeks, but I didn't because I NEEDED to work, and I knew it was easy and the only thing that will make it easier is the experience. Sure, I loved the idea of working at DD just because I love the brand, but to imagine actually working there was scary and overwhelming thinking about all the different food & drinks they have now, and half of me didn't want to, and that's why I didn't keep following up like I could have with the Bentonville store. I was lucky to have Jerald reach out and contact ME the second time around, and the main reason I even went with it then is because I HAD to, to make up for you not working. You work because you NEED to, not because I want you to. As a person it's your responsibility, and if you're making yourself believe that the only reason you need to find work is because I want you to, then you need to cut that out, you're the one making it worse on yourself.

Your only fault is not bringing this up years ago, instead of being all talk and always saying you're going to do this or that, making it even worse when you don't do anything. I don't know what to do or say to help you, I have been so emotionally and mentally drained by you that I have nothing left to give. I'm so tired of it and almost just done. And tired of you still lying, I know you didn't call compucom back. So yes, you do need to do something soon. You are the only one making it harder on yourself, you are the one that can control what you do or think, you are the only one responsible for your actions and MOSTLY responsible for what happens to you, etc etc. Only when you completely realize that can things start to get better, kind of like how they say you have to like/love yourself before other people will.

I'm not saying all this to attack you, I'm just saying how it is. I do still love you, or else I would have just let you leave one of the many times you said you would. In a practical sense, there is no reason to have ever stayed with you, but love isn't practical.