I'm going to be 100% honest here as a person who also struggles heavily with wanting to end it all.
Seriously, fuck what all these people have to say. And fuck what I have to say. Once your in that mindset nobody can make you feel any better but YOU. I've been there. I've OD'd and survived. I've nearly bled to death. I get it, the pain of slipping away and dying and being permanently done with everything sounds SOOOO much better than whatever you're going through.
Nobody is going to change your mind. The only person that can talk yourself out of this is yourself. Just try to step back and look at everything in your life. Write a list of good and a list of bad in your life. When you're done, take a look at the bad and check off all the problems that are more often than not temporary... The ones that are temporary, cross them off. Look at the good. Circle every single good thing you really enjoy and can recreate on a regular basis. Look at these lists and let them sink in. Then think things over again.
I didn't read your post and I'm not going to. What matters is how you feel right now. YOU need to pull yourself up. ONLY YOU can save yourself.
I hope I see you post something again someday, if not... If you do go through with it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry your couldn't be logical and I'm sorry the pain was too much for you to bear.
And to be rude and crass and not sugar coat it in anyway, if you do go through with it, you're only proving that you're weak and you're a coward. It's neither poetic nor beautiful.
Know this though, I have felt and still feel your pain and I say all of this out of love. I love you. YOU ARE VALUABLE.
Source: I have Schizoaffective Disorder, I'm Bipolar, and Manic Depressive. I've almost succeeded in killing myself 3 times only to be saved at the last minute. Believe me when I say, IT DOES GET BETTER. Some thing just take a little while.