But the thing is, even though she is not a masochist, I also want to spank her. I want her do things for me that are not part of her own personal kinks because I'm allowed to and she is mine and she doesn't have personal autonomy.

There's so much in just these two sentences I almost don't even know where to start. I apologize in advance if this sounds a bit crass.

Okay, so, violation is your kink. That's cool. But when you combine that with saying that this means you want to do things that are not your partners kinks, I get a little concerned. That makes it seem to me like you feel you're not really satisfying your kink when you feel like she's enjoying it. But enjoying it is the whole point! You should be looking for the points where your kinks overlap, and celebrating when you find them! While you can do a certain amount of give and take, it should never be the bread and butter of your scenes together. Mutual enjoyment is the lifeblood of any BDSM dynamic, and it should be maximized whereever possible.

So if your partner doesn't want to be spanked or receive pain, why focus on that for satisfying your kink? Why not look for things you both enjoy that can give you that feeling of complete control, owning another, ignoring boundaries, without venturing into an area they're not comfortable with? Maybe your partner is completely okay with you touching/penetrating them in an invasive way while verbally asserting your ownership. If that does it for you too, cool, then you've got a scene going! If not, try to find something else that will work for the both of you.

It seems like you're either wishing for someone without limits, or for your current partner to suspend their limits for you. The first doesn't exist, the second you don't want because I can guarantee you it won't lead to a fun scene.