I can delete the post, I didn't mean to bring in that other mentality.

I am a CA. I'm not gonna write out my credentials if you don't ask but....I'm there. Some the fuck how I've managed to not botch everything completely beyond repair, but it's terrifying to realize how close I am to my life and death being defined by a bottle.

I posted bc I'm at that point where the very few people who haven't fucked off are trying to pull me out of this and I just want them to leave me the fuck alone so I can continue to drink myself to death and I'm scared. I'm drowning, I don't particularly want to be, but fuckin christ, if sobriety is just this shit feeling spread out over 40 years instead of five? Guess I was just asking for one of you to either kick my ass out or to tell me it's ok to drown.