I'm Timothy Cooper, a professional screenwriter and script consultant. Post your logline here and I'll offer a brief critique. Also, AMA about the filmmaking industry!

I'm on the border of Greenpoint, Bushwick, and Williamsburg, actually. Do you ever participate in any meetups?

I really wanted to keep it under 25 words, as one of my books suggested, so I'm trying my best to keep it as concise as possible. Not easy!

To answer your questions, This is the far future of this galaxy, which has been conquered by humans. There's very few sentient aliens, except ones rarely seen remotely in another galaxy, which are secretly pulling the Overseer's strings. The galactic emperor(Called The Overseer) is preparing to invade one galaxy, at the behest of another galactic entity. The orphan is special, because only he has the power to reach his father, physically because of a DNA lock, and emotionaly, because of the familial bond. His father was taken, because he discovered a method of transporting to another galaxy, which is being exploited by the Overseer. Max must stop his father AND the overseer, so there is a dilemma there.

I do have pretty complete 90 page draft, though it's still progressing. I also have many supporting documents, like beat sheets, a story map, character bios, etc...

Here's some more detail:

1)Protagonist: Max Chase, early 30s, counterfeiter and trader of rare ancient Earth goods. Skill: Finding information and rare objects. Misbehavior: Disrespect of authority. Flaw/Achilles Heel: Distrust 2)External Goal: Find, long lost dad, cure his mind control fungus, and stop invasion of Andromeda Galaxy. 3)Internal Goal: Recapture his father’s love. 4)Main Dramatic Conflict: Overseer’s invasion and mind control plans. 5)Controlling Theme: Trust 6)Central Dramatic Question: Can Max cure his dad, and save the world? What if he has to choose? 7)Ending: The Overseer explodes, peace is had, and Max’s dad hugs him for the first time in 20 years... 8)Arc: Max learns he has to have faith in other people, since he can’t do everything himself.

Act 1: Max Chase hears his presumed dead father is alive and working for the Galactic ruler to build the Universe Key, the tool for intergalactic travel and conquest. After some doubt, he decides to believe his dad is still alive. Act 2A: Max searches for his dad. He finds him, but his dad is under an insidious mind control. Act 2B: Max searches for a cure for his dad. He finds it, at great cost to his friends. Act 3: Max chooses to stop Overseer’s Invasion, over just helping his dad. He stops the invasion, and saves his father.

Cheers, and thanks again.

/r/Screenwriting Thread