I'm unable to live a normal life or form habits. Can someone please help me?

Actually it was the support of group therapy followed now by individual 'maintenance' therapy that has done the trick in changing my modifiable thought patterns. Both have been very important.

I would not be well without my meds. I tried to come off of one of them, and I was suddenly back to where I started, even with the therapy. Days when I miss my ADHD medicine are a wash. At the beginning, when stepping up the mood stabilizer, it was hard to notice a difference. But once I had been on it for a year, I could look back and see a stark difference between that year and every one before it. Adding in a tiny dose of the antipsychotic has taken away leftover neuroticism, mental blocks about getting started with things, general uneasiness, and irrational (and impulsive) thoughts and actions. Finally, adding in the stimulant after becoming stable has given me the ability to get up and out of the house in half the time and actually sit still and delve deeper into my work (and read books!). My quality of life (and outlook for the future) has drastically improved. The drugs are necessary. I can see that now, and they are worth taking. But I had to find a thorough, careful psychiatrist. I saw many psychiatrists over the years who would prescribe me whatever the reps gave them and leave me alone for a month. I was never encouraged to keep up with treatment, because I never felt like I received good treatment. I finally found a psychiatrist who convinced me of the seriousness of my condition. She saw me weekly then biweekly for months until I was stable. We switched medications until we found the right ones and the right combination. (Also, stopping drinking completely offered a big change in mood and thoughts.) While both the therapy and drugs contributed to my new life, I would not have a good quality of life without the drugs. I can also physically feel a difference from the meds that I could never get from therapy. I don't feel shaky or weak or sickly anymore. I feel strong and centered and calm.

Sometimes I miss my wild mood swings. There's a passion and compulsion and creativity in both deep depression and mania that are so present and real. But before I became stable, I never once experienced the feeling of inner calm that I can assume most people attain without effort day after day. It has taken getting used to, but I have become ok with living without being driven by intense feelings. I find my passion in my hobbies now, which I could never keep up with before. So the meds are a trade off, but unless you can afford to, or have the desire to, live like a bohemian with no control of yourself (which quite interested me for a long time), the meds have a serious net positive outcome.

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