Imagine marrying a serious person with no sense of humor

At work I'm a serious dude because I do a serious job. But as soon as I'm out for the day it's a fucking clown show 24 hours a day. My family is insane (sometimes I think literally) and my friends are just.... I don't even know.

If they made a sitcom about my life it would be considered too wacky to be believable.

My wife is literally Blossom from Big Bang Theory though. Does the same job and has the same hardcore dry sense of humor except she's actually funny. Sexually we're very normal though.

For an example of how clown shoes my life outside of work is here's a true fucking story: a close family friend gets married this weekend and my sister's youngest kid is being an asshole (because he's 3 and three year olds are assholes) and she says to me, no fucking joke, "Do you have anything to calm him down?" She was asking me to shoot her kid up with Valium or some shit to make him chill the fuck out during the wedding ceremony. "Yeah sure sis, let me drag out my prescription pad, which I ALWAYS carry with me and don't lock up at the hospital because that's super safe, and commit several ethics violations to write a prescription for a controlled substance for a three year old that I not only haven't medically examined, doesn't have anything wrong with him, AND I'M RELATED TO. Then let me pull my pop up pharmacy out of my ass and have them fill a prescription for injectable Valium I can shoot into his thigh. Now do you just want him chilled out or do you want him full zombie? We can do ketamine if you want."

I said "No" my wife casually reached down for her purse with a dead ass look on her face before saying no. For the record she legally can't even write prescriptions for people only request drugs to use on animals.

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