3. Immigrants or the children of immigrants from non-European countries, do you fee...

Immigrants or the children of immigrants from non-European countries, do you feel European?

"No, but where are you really from?"

We need to think of a good way to ask this. It's really a problem.

I'm a typical white guy American, but I come from a diverse-ish area. 20% of my high school was Asian, for example, which denotes not just Chinese/Japanese/Korean, but also people from the Indian subcontinent and the ME. Like, a lot of people.

Suppose your BFF is Korean, and you've been to his house for dinner two dozen times, usually without asking, and you've inquired into various aspects of Korean culture and history. It's not that you're super into Korea, but you like to think you know a thing or two. When meeting an East Asian, it becomes relevant information whether they're Korean. See, so the ironic thing is that I, question asker, am actually hoping to relate to them, make them feel more at ease, etc. Like, if they have any funny stories about Mom and Dad, I'm all ears; they don't need to explain the Korean family dynamic. They don't need to exclude the Korean fraction of their self in our interactions. If they so desire. And if they're Korean.

Problem: there's no good way to ask.

  • Are you Korean? -- You're kind of saying they look Korean, which might be problematic if they aren't.

  • What ethnicity are you? -- In the US, I would expect "Asian" in reply, which is not what I'm looking for.

  • Where are you from? -- "Maryland."

  • Where is your family from? -- "Maryland." Also, it's a little taboo to bring someone's family up in conversation when you first meet.

  • What country are your ancestors from? -- "What is this, a kung fu film? Are you going to behead me if I give the wrong answer?"

  • What, um, languages, if any, might you and/or your parents have learned outside of school, other than English? -- Now this is getting ridiculous!

This is what I think is happening. People add the "really"--where are you really from?-- as an... inflection. The language part of their brain is saying, "I can't improve the wording of my question. Now I'm just going to ask again, but this logically superfluous word means that it's a different question this time."

How would you want people to ask for that information? What would be ideal in your eyes?

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