Impulse control issues-- need some support

I have intrusive thoughts that I banish from my brain with impulsive acts/vocalizations. The trick is to get it to be something out-of-character enough that your train of thought instantly focuses on it, but it's not something that'll hurt anyone.

When I was in Highschool and college, I used to spontaneously hit friends. Usually in the arms. Enough to get them to say "WTF" and it worked because I was immediately having to deal with the repercussions of my violence. Well, one day I did this to a friend that I regularly play basketball with, and I guess I got him in that nerve right below the shoulder, because he really complained about it. I told him he could hit me back wherever he liked as compensation but he refused. I felt so guilty that this forced me to really analyze what I was doing and find an alternative.

It took a few years to find something that worked and wasn't violent at all. At first I tried punching inanimate objects and self-harm, but neither of these things seemed useful and I was beginning to see violence of any kinds as abhorrent so I kept trying other things. Eventually I found that if I said something mildly crazy, a little too loudly, the embarrassment and shock of saying that phrase would instantly cleanse my brain. Particularly if I notice someone hear me. I don't know if this is how schizophrenics start rambling to themselves, but it does kinda feel like a mild version of that sometimes.

I dunno what sorta phrases would work for you, or even if you'd want to try something like that, but that ended up being my coping mechanism. I could give some examples, but I find them shocking and embarrassing (obviously, or they wouldn't work).

I guess this one isn't too embarrassing. I sorta rap the chorus rather than scream it like a death metal vocalist, but it does a good job of pulling me out of my head.

YMMV. You may need to experiment with different phrases to find some that can alarm yourself, or it may not work for you at all... but for me it was worth trying, cuz punching holes in doors/walls/friends or hurting myself weren't desirable solutions.

I guess my advice is that if you feel an crazy impulse coming on, having a pre-planned harmless thing you could do might be a stop-gap until you find the right meds/therapy to control yourself.

/r/ptsd Thread