LOL, irony. During the Pao nonsense and the hate subs, Fetlifers were linking to the numerous articles about reddit being one of the most toxic places on the net.

I spend time on both. I prefer the community of FL and the fact that it keeps me in touch with locals, which I'd have to say is really its key function (if you're not in a real life community, you probably won't get much out of it if reddit is already meeting any discussion needs). They also don't allow hate speech even if they are somewhat liberal about what can be discussed, and strangers won't dox you. There's no voting so there's no incentive for people to angrily go through all your posting history.

I like reddit for the clickbait, even though I don't spend much time on /r/BDSM because it's a catchall group...on FL I can be in one of a dozen active groups on breathplay that covers my specific interest in it.

On the downside for FL, people who fit common tropes when posting (cluelessly searching for unicorns while not offering stability or respect, nice guy screeds, unrealistic personals, subs posting personals in a way that makes it clear they're looking for a fetish fulfillment factory than for a flesh-and-blood dominant to submit to, various forms of ignorance) often get their ass handed to them in a way that IMO goes overboard occasionally. Also there sometimes is legitimate domism - let's be honest, even if it's the sub's job to submit, they ARE there to get their own needs met and that's ok - but that mixing up of that fantasy and reality exists to various extents in pretty much every substantial BDSM community I've been a part of.

Both sites have plenty of awesome and plenty of horrible people. You might not find FL to your taste, but unless you're just there to get laid I'd say it's a bit more civil on the whole.