I waited too late (marriage was not in a good place or downright bad), then when I felt like I was in a stable relationship and time was getting on, I found I was medically not able.

I had been everywhere from 'wanting kids' to 'REALLY not wanting them' to back again. But I found it strange to be told that something/someone else had decided that I couldn't have kids. It was upsetting, discouraging, sad. Perhaps I could have if my spouse would have been willing to investigate other options but he wasn't.

It makes me feel like the odd one out. I felt like it inhibited our social life for a while because it seemed everyone knew their friends from their kids' activities/school. I felt kind of broken; like I couldn't do something that most people could and in fact happens by accident to a lot of people. But I also am not a kid-person. I don't really like other people's kids. I did want my own family and figured I'd love my own child. I was never the sort to get weepy about being childless or need to avoid baby showers, etc.

There are a lot of benefits of being child-free. No, I don't feel like I have more money. But I do have more time. And days when I'm ill I am so thankful I don't have a child to take care of too, because when my health is bad it is taxing to even take my dog out to pee. I hate that people think you are selfish. I think about many other people other than myself. But when my 'family' dwindled down to just a few people it meant there was more time for just me and what I want.

My ex SO didn't really want kids when push came to shove. He was indeed too selfish and self involved. He was jealous of my dog! God knows what he would feel about a kid. I am well shot of him. My current long term SO has a son from a previous relationship who is mostly grown. I've been on the outskirts of some parenting dilemmas and that's been enough.

I still feel like the odd one out. And if anyone asks me I just say, "I couldn't have children," while looking them square in the face. It usually shuts them up and they don't pry. My days of feeling sad about it are mostly behind me. It is what my life is and I accept it like I do every other crazy, quirky part of me.