"Dear Former Inmate,
Your incarceration time was managed by PRISONER PROFITEERING CORPORATION to reduce cost to local governments and to provide an alternative revenue stream for the rich folks of this company. Please see your itemized bill below. Please note, our lobbyists have codified our desired business practices into law and there are no refunds, charge reversals or any kind of challenge to bill. In fact, you can't even file a class action lawsuit. Well, you can try, but we've got so much money you'd have to find an ethical and moral billionaire to fight for you as we drain your life savings 25 times over.
Rate Sheet:
Authorized sex with guards: FREE (file a request with the Chief Revenue Creation Officer ).
Based upon our tally, your total charge for 3 days is $1,250,000. Please note: State law prohibits us from providing you an itemized bill. The bill is due within 2 business days of receipt and a warrant for your arrest will be issued on the 3rd business day.
Thanks for being a customer of PRISONER PROFITEERING CORPORATION.
Sincerely,
Joe
Revenue Creation Specialist