A look into how a borderline mother views themselves and how they justify their actions. (Warning: Article from BPD mom)

this almost sounds trolly so i dont know if i should reply. I did not like the choice of words you used.

I don't think writing down what a toxic parent said is a "cognitive distortion". my own mother has threatened to kill me or herself all my life. of course she never went through with it but the threats were there and she said those words. she claims she never did and does not remember them but she did. I have secretly recorded her outbursts as proof before. it's ugly behaviour and when you label it as such and admit that it's not normal it can be liberating. drawing a caricature of a toxic parent as an angry little figure can be cathartic when you realise how sad and broken they really are.

after venting and identifying what had hurt us it is also up to ourselves to rise above that label and let go in order to recover. it's extremely hard to do and it's not going to be instant.

so yes we may be recording our own " cognitive distortions" on paper but it's a step towards healing. if something or someone hurt you. you have to identify it. it could be as simple as someone telling me they think I'd look good in red but I end up getting extremely upset. maybe it's because my BPD mother had an obsession with the colour red and forced me to wear it all the time. who knows. it's up to me to disassociate the pain and anger from the colour red and realise the person is not aware of what I may have been through and my aversion towards the colour. it might sound like a small issue and it might sound absurd to people who have no experienced this before but if someone can react strongly to certain verbal triggers we cannot trivialise their feelings either.

/r/raisedbyborderlines Thread Parent Link - themighty.com