I do too.
My dad's family are from the aristocratic criollo class in Merida, Yucatan, and held a huge hacienda estate...married within the families to keep the blood lines pure from "indigenous" contamination and keep the land in the families...
(My dad to this day denies that we have any form of Mayan heritage and denies my mom's mom's mom's indigenous heritage from Zacatecas! SO STUPID)
Welll....let's just say that my dad's family was loyal to Spain during Pancho Villa times.
Then I'm guessing with Francisco Franco taking over Spain and being allies with the Reich...my family over in Yucatan themselves held support and sympathy for Spain and her allies (Including Germany).
I grew up hearing my dad tell me about the gas chambers . My dad's uncle, a man who I do admire and love and miss to this day, had an SS officer's uniform. He also admired Hitler and the Nazis and would talk to me about them like nothing,,, so this was my world view. And keep in mind that I"m Mexican (which i'm sure Hitler would have not liked/killed me) so the irony in all this is too much.
We had the history channel back when it was only documentaries about WWII and Hitler. So when Hitler was on TV , I'd call my dad over and he'd just say "Oh look, it's your grandfather!" Another uncle has a really bad temper and we all call him "Tio Hitler" (Uncle Hitler). He recently passed away. He was known for blowing up if he was given a glass of coke with no ice.
By age 10, 2000...I'm given a gift certificate to a local used bookstore for my birthday. couldn't pick between a tarot deck or a High German dictionary because i desperatly wanted to learn German on my own...like almost some past life thing. Even before I knew too much about the Nazis I was always trying to speak fake German.
Ended up buying the German dictionary.
My mother yelled at me ,saying that it was "Hitler's language" and therefore "evil" to learn.
Am I still obssessed ? Yup.
i'm even amused that the initials of my first name and mom's maiden name (which i add on to my full name) turn out to be..... SS.
ugh. seriiously.
The only thing I could do with all of this is research as much I can about the Reich and what happened and all that and read testimonials from survivors of the forced labor camps.
Alas, I must admit that I am of the holocaust revisionist camp and unfortunately the anti-Semetic views of my dad's family rubbed off on me. Unpleasant experiences at my Uni , living in student cooperative housing , in which the children of very wealthy Jews lived...and my Mexican ass in there, poor as fuck...you'd think I'd grow more open and tolerant. Just made me resentful seeing how the wealthy live.
But I realize that can be anyone and not just the Jews. And I don't hate anyone... just have been influenced by my upbringing and open to changing.
I apologize if this makes anyone uncomfortable.
I decided a long time ago that it was easier to just educate myself than beat myself up over something like that.