So. You found you took pleasure in torturing someone?
I don't know how common it is, but recognizing the capacity within myself seems obvious. I have a great capacity for love and loyalty and cherishing others. That is balanced by a great capacity to hurt others should it be necessary for revenge or protection.
Note that I don't condone revenge, I'm merely observing that I certainly have no instincts that would halt me from committing revenge - just the opposite: I seem to have a lot of capacity to both desire and execute acts of vengeance.
Before I say more, I should note that I dissociate when I think and write concerning exceptionally powerful emotions. I'm not sure what the reason is, and I'm not sure I will ever find out - but that dissociation stands between me and an integration of my shadow in my conscious ego, for better or worse - at least during moments where I consider it abstractly. Perhaps it's a little bit of sociopathy, but whatever the case, I don't mean to be flippant as I write this.
Now, I want to assure you that the world is easily cruel enough that you may need your shadow one day. Don't be such a fool that you sacrifice it to make yourself feel at ease. Read this piece.
https://www.thelocal.de/20170403/bonn-police-hunt-man-who-took-woman-from-tent-and-raped-her
Alright. Do you want to feel nothing, should that situation transpire before your eyes? To feel like a helpless victim, screaming at a 911 operator who thinks you are cracking a joke because you don't even sound scared enough that they believe you? Do you want to see yourself ruined afterwards? Because believe me, the world has real malevolence in it, and if you don't know that you have all your capacity to harm available, how will you recover should a fate like the one in the article befall you? You may well have PTSD for life, from knowing that maybe there was something in you that you didn't understand, which you kept on a leash, should such a circumstance befall you.
I know myself well enough by now that I would never give up my life without making a difference, but I would never let something befall a family member like what is described in that article if I knew I could make a difference. I would keep looking for a way to maim or murder such an adversary with my nails and teeth if need be.
You don't lose any of yourself by knowing that you have your full reserves of hatred within you, at your disposal. All that happens is that you gain something.
That said, you know, be careful. If you aren't used to relying on your shadow, ever - if you are used to never doing or saying anything harmful - once you let your shadow out, it will try to protect you, and it won't know any better for a long time as to how to go about doing it. But you won't ever bear the weight of your being and know the evil within yourself if you don't go to the dark places of your mind for a visit once in a while.