ive done everything but i will never get better

You sound like a very strong person, but I'm sorry you've had to be so strong. I don't think any of us will ever be able to understand why some people seem to glide through life (albeit with problems of their own; everyone has those) while others have to work so hard to stay alive, and even upon doing everything in their power, can't achieve that level of easy contentment.

I'm not sure this will help, but I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you. You're only a teenager, and yet you've already spent years fighting for a better life. You've had the wisdom to listen to your therapists, apply the coping strategies they've offered you, and take your medication, even when those things didn't lead to the results you'd hoped for. And you were able to do those things all while battling apparent mental illness, trauma, and suicidal thoughts.

I don't think you're broken at all. Rather, I think you're experiencing a very natural anger after working so hard to better yourself and still being turned away by the therapists you trusted to help you. Of course you're tired; you spend every day fending off mental illness and trauma, then juggling your daily responsibilities on top of that. You deserve to feel better, but I disagree that you "should be doing your best." Your current feelings, as painful as they are, are a reaction to your circumstances, and you don't have to be happy about those, no matter how functional your life seems on the surface or how many friends you have. I hope you can give yourself some grace as you deal with this difficult time.

I wish there was something I could say to make it better for you. You deserve good things.

/r/SuicideWatch Thread